uneasy

tonight i had another class, it was really really good :)

i also had a class last week, which wasnt so good. i didnt write about it cuz i didnt really understand, but ill write up here now what i got from it..

this was about meeting your spirit guide

we did a grounding exercise and then went into meditation, in this meditation you had to visualise a light infront of you, just a small point of light, you take three steps toward it and see it get bigger, then take three more steps and see it grow bigger still, its light nearly touching you, then three more steps and you are in the light, you can feel the love and warmth radiating off that light, you feel totally secure and happy. now take three more steps to find you have stepped through the light and into darkness.

see in front of you a lake, with a boat on it, and step onto that boat, and just sit there, feeling the water lapping the side, notice if theres movement? sounds? what are the colours like? how do you feel?

across from you is an island, as you notice it, the boat starts being pulled toward it, in a calm steady motion. you are not afraid.

as you get closer to the island you notice a forest on it. as the boat pulls into dock, you should step onto the ground. notice what kind of beach you have landed on? what are you standing on? is there a smell or are there sounds? as you look at the forest infront of you, notice that going into it is a well trodden path, you should go down it.

your heading into the forest, are there any animals? whats the weather like? smells?

as you walk down the path, you notice this forest is like an enchanted wood, toad stalls, fairy rings..if there are creatures, they welcome you in and say hello. smile and say hello back and keep on walking. as you come out of the other side of the trees, there is a hill with a bench on it, as you walk slowly toward the bench from behind, you notice someone sat on it. do you get any feelings from them? what do they look like?

you go around to the front of the bench and sit down..


now from this point i cant tell u what happens really becuase on mine was my ex boyfriend, who was all his depression embodied it seemed? i panicked, my mouth went dry, and i felt sick and couldnt breathe properly. as i asked him to turn around a face came up toward me.. it was an upside down egg shape...with two black circles for eyes and an oval hole for a mouth..the face was on like...a long..tube type thing? that kept extending, so i told him to go away. and it did, and then his head was a giant hawks head, which freaked me out, so i asked it to go away again and suddenly my visions were gone and a giant turtle was eating something... so i was like arggggggggggggggggggggg and pretty much got back to the boat asap. and then broke down when we came back to the room.
wiiierd.

so, im sorry for people who wanted to meet guides, perhaps at another time.x

so from that i think i need to completely move on from my ex properly, fully cut all ties..so i can fully accept spirit.

ill post tonights lesson in the morning, cuz im flaking out!


love and light
liz xx

inspirational

oh. my.

go girl!! wish i had half of her ability to KNOW whats wrong and voice it.

''You see,'' he says to the girl, ''you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when your in the dark. Even when your falling.''

taken from tuesdays with morrie, about the trust test, when you fall back into someones arms? i like it.


Last night i have the first night of a spiritual development class/course, i was looking forward to it anyway...but it was so good, waayy better than imagined. we did some meditation with visualisation and it was superrrb, the feelings were awesome and buzzy. ill write down what we did step by step, he was being told by his guides..

for the grounding we listened to a cd made by the wife of the couple who runs the course, which you can buy here. Shes so down to earth and i find the visualistion easy to follow. but as thats her cd thing..im not sure i can put it up here.

but for the meditation the husband spoke directly from his guides..
NOTE: MAKE SURE YOU DO THIS MEDITATION AFTER YOU'VE GROUNDED YOURSELF. (grounding can be anything from holding a dark coloured crystal, to going for a walk, gardening or just eating/drinking..just remember..its ALL about the intention. if you intend to be grounded and believe it..you will be :))

close your eyes, sitting or lying down and completely relax, be conscious of your body working from your toes, all the way upto your head, relaxing everything as you go. now imagine your self on a ledge, any kind of ledge (i had to go though quite a few before i found one that was comfy) and your looking down below and you can see the world, animals, people, plants, houses, cars, whatever you can see, theyre all ant-like. as you stand on the ledge, you look down at your feet, and your hands, notice what they look like, how they feel. look to around you, how do you feel? safe?

now imgaine to your right infront of you theres a spark of white light that slowly gets birghter and grows into a piller, then on your left theres a tiny spark that again grows ans grows, and gets brighter and then grows into a long pillar. then the same to your right and left behind you. now you have four protective white pillars. join them up with white strings, so theres a box above and below you. fill the box with white light, so that it glows. notice how you feel?

look down from the ledge again, what do you see? is it a happy place for you? if you feel safe, jump down off the ledge, you can fly, you can fall. where do you land? what do you see? can you interect? stay here as long as you like. when you are ready to come back out, just go back to the ledge. open your eyes and slowly come to.

and that was the meditation. in mine, my ledge was made of glass in the sky, and the scene below me was of a field, in which there was a horse and my puppy, molly. when i looked around the hill there was a village at the bottom.. i tried going there on the horse but as soon as i got to the bottom of the hill the visions in front of me disappeard, so i went back up to the hill and lay down and my dog lay on me. i think i was just comfortable and thats why molly was there. i didnt look like me though, i had strawberry blonde hair, which i guess is my natural colour, and i was much slimmer..more..athletic. anyway.

these are my writings for now :)

love and light
liz
x

beautiful findings

train station poem.

This was written on the shelter at my local train station, i love it because 1. its good, and 2. its not the normal 'dan woz ere 2000' that you normally get...or something of the like. so yeah, thought y'all should get a look.

''the last train is nearly due,
the underground is closing soon,
and in the dark deserted station,
restless in aticipation,
a man waits in the shadows.

his restless eyes leap and scratch
at all that they can touch and catch,
hidden deep within his pocket,
safe within a silent socket,
he holds a coloured crayon.

now from the tunnels stoney womb,
the carraige rides to meet the groom,
it opens wide with welcome doors
but he hesitates and withdraws,
tighter in his shadows.

and the train is gone suddenly,
on wheels clicking silently,
like a gently tapping litany,
and he hold the crayon rosary,
tighter in his hand.

now from his pocket quickly flashes,
the crayon, upon the wall he slashes,
deep upon the advertising,
a single worded poem, comprised of four letters.

and his heart is laughing, screaming, pounding,
at the poem across the track rebounding,
shadowed by the exit light,
his take near ascending flight
to seek the breast of darkness and be suckled by the night.''


sorry about the black highlighting..not sure why its done that?

O is for the only one i see..

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes…all you need is one."

it helped me

grief

''Some things are too terrible to grasp at once. Other things - naked, sputtering, indelible in their horror - are too terruble to really ever grasp at all. It is only later, in solitude, in memory, that the realisation dawns: when the ashes are cold; when the mourners have departed; when one looks around and finds oneself - quite to ones surprise - in an entirely different world.'' Donna Tartt - the secret history

EXACTLY.

L is for the way you look at me...

"Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away.


You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing.


Love isn't a plan.


It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; it is so incredibly messy.


People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it.


What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.


Love isn't her calming you down when you yell.

It's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded.

It isn't her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable...
It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you.


So no, it's not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's her standing there, admitting she's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here.


Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat.

Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.


It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future.


It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway.


Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it.


And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole..."

mind mumblings

So, new place to blog..i think i have a million of these. but i havn't blogged properly since i had a deadjournal? and when i look back on it, i sound so young..i was annoying..BUT its really nice reading how i was feeling at the time, or what i was going through..its amazing what i don't remember! then i used Myspace..i think i might upload a lot of those entries into here, some of them were...deep thoughts i had..which i still find relevant. i also recently set up a LJ community for spiritual people, gotta get the word out about that one.

Annnndd SO, this blog will be to get me thinking again.


My thoughts this morning, are of friends..people that make effort, people who don't. This is something that crops up quite a lot in my life. People making an effort and people not. I make as much effort as possible, i don't mind getting trains to see people, as i can't drive.. but what annoys me is when people who do drive make me get a train and then walk to their house to see them.. i don't mind doing it, so long as they come see me as well, but so few people do. i started thinking about all this again, because yesterday i started reading a book called 'Tuesdays with Morrie' which I'm REALLY enjoying, its about a man who had a college professor who he gets on with really really well, but..the man graduated college and lost contact, until he prof. is dying and is on TV. wont go into the storyline in case anyone wants to read it..i do recommend it for anyone interested in life meanings and lessons. anyway..so when Morrie finds out hes going to die, he holds a 'living funeral' because he wanted to people to say the nice things that people say at funerals to his face.. which i thought was an awesome concept.. people have such beautiful things to say about people once they've died, but I'm sure everyone could do with hearing it every single day before they die!
Also...when people get ill and are going to die, most people suddenly make the effort to see them.when people suddenly and unexpectedly die, people regret not spending more time with them, etc etc etc... well exactly!!!! see people more! avoid the regret, be safe in the knowledge you shared all your loving thoughts with them. tell her that lipstick looks awesome, or that dress...tell him hes funny or one of your best friends. positive attracts positive..and i cant think of a much faster way to feeling good and love.

It makes me want people to have pre-death parties, because people don't even make the effort on birthdays anymore do they? people have that laid back ''iv got next year'' approach.. i know, there's a percentage who don't have that mindset..but its upsetting for the friends of friends who do.

''well who wins??''
he smiled. his crinkly eyes. his crooked teeth..
''love wins. love always wins''

love
Liz
x

(for anyone that reads this..if anyone does, sorry if it has no correlation or doesn't make sense..its literally as it comes into my head)