Monday, 4 November 2013
I was lying in bed, thinking those internal thoughts you think when doing mundane things like riding your bike to work, showering or falling asleep. i was vainly thinking about my teeth and my skin, the fact that i have broken teeth and fillings, and laughter lines around my eyes despite the fact i wear no make up and don't tan myself. suddenly, in popped a small voice
''ehem..'' he coughed, and waited.
''hello?'' i asked, wondering what piece of wisdom or disdain 'the voice' had to offer tonight.
''stop thinking like that'' he demanded.
''like what? this is normal, no?'' i defended myself.
''let me ask you, were you more attractive a year ago than you are now?''
''i was younger and peachier, so in a way..yes'' i decided, thinking that i didn't so much like this fact.
''and the year before that and the year before that, were you more attractive than a year ago?'' i could hear a smart arsed undertone and was becoming increasingly defensive.
''So stop thinking about how good looking you used to be because this is as good as its going to get - if in your opion you were always better looking than you are now, that will also be the case in 6 months..today day you are more attractive than you will be then''
''.......ehh....'' i was silenced.
And i can count on one hand how many ugly/fat days i've had sinse then.
Good point Little Voice, good point.
''well sir, this evening when you came in i greeted you with a smile, showed you to a lovely table, bought you some menus and water, took a drinks order, bought you your drinks, took a food order, bought you your food, checked to make sure you we're enjoying everything
and then cleared your plates, offered you dessert and coffee, had polite conversation with you and now i've bought you your bill like you asked and then bought the card machine so you can pay - i have provided the service of you not having to do a single thing but make decisions -
- you're 'tip' or service charge payment makes my bad waitress pay a little more bearable - but at this point i have been in this restaurant for around 60 hours this week already and right now i would like to go home and sleep before i have to be here at 8a.m tomorrow making croissants and coffee for breakfast eaters who will not tip''
''well, your obviously not a waitress because you're too dramatic - whats your real profession?''
''i work for that company....''
I gotta come back to the blog.
Thursday, 30 June 2011
A time comes in your life when you finally get it... when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out: ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.
You realize that its time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy-tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you,) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are, what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
Your learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything, that it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and you learn the importance of setting boundaries and of learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love: Romantic love and familiar love. You learn how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more loveable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.
And you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and you learn that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you decide you won't settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that for the most part, in life, you get what you believe you deserve..and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes "bad" things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state: the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never, ever to settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Friday, 13 May 2011
Monday, 14 February 2011
And the rivers with the ocean,
The winds of heaven mix for ever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In one spirit meet and mingle -
Why not I with thine?
See the mountains kiss high heaven
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth
And the moonbeams kiss the sea:
What are all these kissings worth
If thou kiss not me
Tuesday, 18 January 2011
kind of annoying - but...
Yes, love yourself and others will too...
be comfortable with yourself and it will happen.
Do not rely on someone else for happiness.
Do not rely on someone else to bring you up, its no fair on them.
Learn to love.
Learn the difference between infatuation and obsession and love. pure love.
Monday, 3 January 2011
The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours
A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Michael: Hook, whose eyes turn red as he guts you.
Millicent: Upon my soul, how children are educated nowadays.
Wendy: [Chuckles] – I’m afraid I am not learned at all, Aunt. But I do know a thing or two about pirates... My unfulfilled ambition is to write a great novel in three parts about my adventures.
Millicent: What adventures?
Wendy: I’ve yet to have them, but they will be perfectly thrilling.
Millicent: But, child, novelists are not highly thought of in good society. And there is nothing so difficult to marry as a novelist.
All: Marry? – Marry? Marry? – But, Aunt, Wendy is not yet 13.
Millicent: Walk toward me, dear, that I may appraise you.
Mr. Darling: Go on. Walk to your auntie. Stand up straight.
Millicent: Stop it! – Turn around.
Mr. Darling: Shh.
Millicent: Mm, yes. Oh, it’s quite as I expected.....Wendy possesses a woman’s chin. Have you not noticed? Observe her mouth.....There, hidden in the right-hand corner....is that a kiss?
[Mrs. Darling Gasps]
Mrs. Darling: A kiss? – Like Mother’s kiss.
Millicent: A hidden kiss.
Mrs. Darling: But what is it for?
Millicent: It is for the greatest adventure of all....They that find it…have slipped in and out of heaven.
Wendy: Find what?
Millicent: The one the kiss belongs to.
Mrs. Darling: My Wendy…a woman.
Millicent: Almost a woman.
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
a very very very very very tiny 'studio apartment'.
The thought of this makes me feel a panicky.
But then i remembered how ikea utilise small spaces
- can't find any pics -
So i started to Google images of good studio apartments.
most of the pics aren't actually of full 'studio' apartments
(can't bloody stand that term. its not studio. its a room
with a kitchenette and a bed and a shower room. A bedsit in fact.)
AND then i remembered that carrie has a kind of studio in SATC :)
She has an actual kitchen aswell as a living/bedroom - but its a step in the right direction.
work with what you have...or something.
Its all about what you do with it...
MY kitchenette will look NOTHING like this sleek little thing,
i can guarantee - but, optimism and positive thinking!!
can just about see the 'kitchen' at the back...
could be worse..
Sunday, 7 November 2010
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.By: Andy Weir
For the few of you who follow me, sorry iv not been around -
and so many sewing projects!
and thiiings, but will find time to do some bloggering soon..
ANYWAY! the point to todays entry is..
I'v been following Carmen for a while now - awesome make up tips and cooking stuff, just a generally cosy girly blog :)
i logged into my blogger account this morning and found this giveaway :D
WWAAAAA exciting :D headbands being totally in this season and its grey and cosy and nice ^_^ AND a drawer smelly - though to be honest, looks tempting to use as a pin cushion for glass-headed multi coloured pins...
''A cosy chunky knit headband/earwarmer with a whopping bow and some subtly scattered shiny bits (shame they don't show up too much in the piccie) and a vanilla scented cupcake called pammi who loves nothing more than to snooze in closets and sock drawers :]''
So, there we are :)
GO GO GO!
Sunday, 26 September 2010
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
12. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
13. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
14. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
15. They were too close to the door to close it.
16. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
17. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
18. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
19. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
20. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
21. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
Friday, 10 September 2010
There are no commitments, only bargains. And they have to be made again every day. You think making a commitment is it. Finish. You think it sets like a concrete platform and it’ll take any strain you want to put on it. You’re committed. You don’t have to prove anything. In fact you can afford a little neglect, indulge in a little bit of sarcasm here and there, isolate yourself when you want to. Underneath it’s concrete for life. I’m a cow in some ways, but you’re an idiot.
What was that? Oh ... yes. No commitments. Only bargains. The trouble is I don’t really believe it. I’d rather be an idiot. It’s a kind of idiocy I like. ‘I use you because you love me. I love you so use me. Be indulgent, negligent, preoccupied, premenstrual ... your credit is infinite, I’m yours, I’m committed...’ It’s no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst. Is that romantic? Well, good. Everything should be romantic.
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
1.Never stop thinking. This is important. If someone ever says to you ‘You need to stop thinking so much,’ call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupidity and sheeple. Your mind is the most important tool you have, if you stop using it, it will atrophy. Question everything.
2. Stare into space blankly and don’t mentally punish yourself for doing it, even if it is for that split second. If you have a problem with staring blankly, think of it as daydreaming.
3. Root Beer sucks after having spicy food.
4. Everything is going to be just fine. If you worry about acne, you’re going to get a fucking pimple.
5. Don’t be afraid to talk about anything. You shouldn’t be afraid of reality.
6. Everyone is a hypocrite.
7. You are all original. Every life experience is case sensitive and unique. Every time you wake up or go to the bathroom or quote someone else, you are becoming more you than anyone has ever been.
8. Do pointless things. Don’t actively restrain or hide yourself from the redundant.
9. Stop rushing. Shut up and embrace the sound of silence.
10. Religion shouldn’t be taught, it should be found. No one should tell you what to believe except you. And while were on the subject…
11. Don’t be restrained by one religion. People change every moment of everyday. Minds grow and evolve. Religion has no law so feel free to mix and match. Make your own.
12. Going to the bathroom is not a right nor a privilege. it’s an act of nature.
13. Talking to yourself is healthy. Is there anyone that you have more in common with?
14. There is no such thing as time. The sun never sets or rises. Days and years don’t exist. There is only your life. Earlier today you were born and death is predicted later in the evening.
15. We will always be in a transitional phase. Look outside and know that everything will be replaced at some point. This existence is temporary.
16. Its not half empty or half full. Its half a glass.
17. Every now and then take something that you see everyday and try to see it in a different light. Renew its existence.
18. Be happy, but don’t force it.
19. You will always succeed in trying.
20. We are all crazy. Every person you read about in the history books had some kind of ‘disorder’, they just knew how to use it.
21. We are all about as similar as we are different.
22. Ideas are just as valuable as people. Why do you think we keep making people?
87. Numbers don’t have to go in order.
24. Words will always be just words. Love is just another four letter word, only the feeling is real.
25. Ask a child for advice. They may not know much, but they know what is important.
26. Prove you’re alive. Do anything from dancing in the supermarket to screaming ‘Fuck’ during a moment of silence. Remind the world you are still here.
27. Don’t take anything, even this, too seriously.